by Hailey Reilly
Pickle ball. Weight lifting. Badminton. These PE units can strike fear into the weakhearted. But none quite so intense as that of the deck hockey unit. Here are some tips from a seasoned deck hockey player in order to get you the highest possible participation grade in gym, while ensuring a deck hockey championship title.
1. Never ever, ever smell the goggles…. It’s better that you just leave that odor to the imagination.
2. Always wear a black shirt. Preferably dri-fit material. All the better to hide the fact that you’re profusely sweating in the sweltering heat of Gym 5.
3. Take the pregame stretches seriously—the last thing you need is to explain that you pulled your hamstring whiffing a slap-shot in gym.
4. Don’t swing your stick like a baseball bat—Mr. Palmieri will put you in the penalty box and will leave you there.
5. If you’re a sub lined up on the wall, tripping opposing players running by may be frowned upon by your teacher, but is highly encouraged by your teammates.
6. If your goggles fog up so badly you can’t see the ball, this may be an indication that you’re going too hard.
7. If one of your teammates hands you a deck hockey stick with a sweat-soaked handle, don’t mention it. They know.
8. Always. Bring. Deodorant.
9. Plan your route from gym to your next class accordingly so that you pass at least one fan. Trust me, you’ll need it.
10. Map the quickest way to the health office. When your friend accidentally elbows you in the nose, don’t think—just plug ‘er up and run.
11. Girls, if a boy is running at you with the ball, there is an 89 percent chance he will run you over whether you’re on his team or not.
12. Chest-bumps are absolutely necessary after goals, although spiking your stick into the ground usually elicits less enthusiastic reactions from your teacher.
Have fun! And remember, winning in gym deck hockey is, in fact, everything