by Erin Fitzpatrick
As a girl, the month of December is a time for boys to fight over me. Not for a date, that is, but for a spot as their facial hair adviser. For guys who think that they failed to impress during No Shave November, I offer my services as a consultant for up-and-coming Manuary.
There are strict rules for the training period, but men must do their best to achieve perfect manly facial hair. December is a month of shaving, growing, grooming and gelling while also checking out the competition.
However, there are different techniques to achieve greatness. For example, the professional and classy mustache, like that of English Teacher Mr. Darren Finkel, is a common one. This takes intense shaving, a lot of practice and hours of sculpting in front of the mirror, but Finkel finds the time worthy of the good cause.
The goatee is a rare sight in WHS, due to its complexity and stunning effect. When you see someone with a goatee, you know he is taking the competition to a new level.
Another popular WHS style is called “the scruff.” People who attempt this are going for a more casual and cool look, while also paying attention to details. Many “scruffers” idolize English Teacher Mr. David Della Fera, who was recently inducted into the Facial Hair Hall of Fame.
My job as the adviser is to scope out the competition. Peering in windows, using hidden cameras, you name it; the charity is a weak facade for a cut-throat competition.
While it might seem trivial, this game is a source of pride for many teenage boys. There is no proof of hitting manhood like the title of Facial Hair King.