by Clara Smith
In a shocking turn of events, Hi’s Eye, the school newspaper of WHS, published a paper this Friday. According to a Hi’s Eye staffer, who wishes to remain anonymous, the staff decided that there was no better way to combat its utter boredom.
Lighter Side (April Fool's)
Said the staffer: “We’d tried everything—sleeping, playing board games—we even tried pulling pranks on Mr. Renwick! Actually publishing a paper on a Friday was our last resort.”
Said Social Studies Teacher Mr. Daniel Farabaugh: “I was close to suing the paper for libel. Every week, I am incredulous about Hi’s Eye’s failure to print an issue on Fridays. This is simply unacceptable, and I thought that something had to be done.”
Farabaugh added that he would be suing for the cost of his weekly therapy sessions caused solely by his distress over this grave problem.
Said Hi’s Eye staffer Molly Jennings, “Our old motto was ‘If it’s Friday and there’s school, there’ll be Hi’s Eye,’ but after years of avoiding publishing papers on Fridays, we decided to change it by creating a motto contest for the paper.”
Senior Riyad Carey, who submitted the motto, “We publish newspapers on Fridays when we feel like it,” said that he thought that his submission was a clear winner, but was later told by Jennings that his new motto was just as libelous as the original.
However, Jennings said, “As of today, we are proud to say that Riyad’s motto is true.”
Said an anonymous WHS administrator: “Thank goodness. I’ve been so behind in schools news, and I never know if I can rely on the paper to keep me in the loop.
Especially on that bond vote last December…. I didn’t know for more than two weeks after the vote if they were going to fix this hole in my ceiling!”
(Oh, if anyone was wondering, that bond did pass. According to staffer Benji Schwartz, Hi’s Eye regrets that it only published 13 articles on the vote, not reaching its promised minimum of 20 articles on topics no high school students care about.)
Journalism II student Chris McGlynn said that for next year, he hopes to raise the paper’s standards.
“I’m thinking that we could publish four, maybe five issues on Fridays. Well, maybe three. We don’t want to push it,” McGlynn added.
“If it’s Friday and there’s school, there’ll be Hi’s Eye,” said Hi’s Eye staffer Eric Oberman. However, he added: “That’s totally a lie. I don’t know why I said that.”