By Jane Aronds
Snow boots? Check. Scarf? Check. Under Armour? Check. My backpack is full of supplies for the day ahead. I never thought I would need all of these items on a typical winter day—inside WHS.
Coming to you live, I’m Jane Aronds with the WHS weather report. The drop in temperature outside has led a to steady decrease in temperature within WHS. According to my research, there is a cold front moving rapidly down the language hallway. Stock up on those ski masks, parkas and Snuggies, especially since New Jersey is strong enough to send students to school in below zero weather (#jerseystrong?). It’s times like this when I’m beginning to wish that our generation had evolved with an extra layer of blubber.
Oddly enough, as the day continues, an apparent warm front has begun to kick in, moving rapidly down the gym hallway and to the science wing. Room 147 has reportedly been suffering warm blasts of air escaping from the heater, leaving students sweating in their winter attire.
This warm front—ahem, I mean scorching hot front—has led to reports of tumbleweeds, cacti and mild heat stroke. It’s said that if students spend too much time transitioning from parka to pool attire, their hair may be vulnerable to spontaneous combustion. Such hair fires are rumored to have set off the alarms in the science wing on the morning of Jan. 6.
So as students melt in their winter attire with their ears ringing from the fire alarms, I suggest adding a pair of flip flops, a tank top and ear plugs to your Swinter (summer+winter) Survival Kit.
This is Jane reporting live from the halls of WHS. Stay Classy, San Di—I mean, WHS.