by alanabasil,emilymiller
On the eve of an important sporting event, Hi’s Eye dispatched two expert Iris reporters to cover the action. They interviewed the star player of the team.
On the eve of an important sporting event, Hi’s Eye dispatched two expert Iris reporters to cover the action. They interviewed the star player of the team.
April Fools Issue
Iris: We are here now with star player (we’ll get his name later) who just put on a spectacular performance on the grassy outdoor stage. Could you tell us how you’re feeling after such an exhilarating show?
Iris: We are here now with star player (we’ll get his name later) who just put on a spectacular performance on the grassy outdoor stage. Could you tell us how you’re feeling after such an exhilarating show?
We are here now with star player (we’ll get his name later) who just put on a spectacular performance on the grassy outdoor stage. Could you tell us how you’re feeling after such an exhilarating show?
Player: Um, this is just practice, and we have only finished warm-ups. And this isn’t a stage really, it’s just a field.
Um, this is just practice, and we have only finished warm-ups. And this isn’t a stage really, it’s just a field.
Iris: Oh, of course, we haven’t mastered the lingo yet.
Oh, of course, we haven’t mastered the lingo yet.
Player: Right. And I didn’t even break a sweat.
Right. And I didn’t even break a sweat.
Iris: Oh, thank goodness, because it would be a shame to soil this wonderful outfit. Could you tell us, who are you wearing?
Oh, thank goodness, because it would be a shame to soil this wonderful outfit. Could you tell us, who are you wearing?
Player: Um, shorts by Adidas, shirt and socks by Under Armour, and shoes by New Balance.
Um, shorts by Adidas, shirt and socks by Under Armour, and shoes by New Balance.
Iris: We appreciate the avant-garde look you have achieved by wearing your socks pulled up so high. Also, you have taken quite a fashion risk by mixing designer labels.
We appreciate the avant-garde look you have achieved by wearing your socks pulled up so high. Also, you have taken quite a fashion risk by mixing designer labels.
Player: Sure…? Did you say you had a question about how I am feeling before our game?
Sure…? Did you say you had a question about how I am feeling before our game?
Iris: Of course. Would you describe your emotions going into the game as belonging to more the artistic stylings of Mark Rothko or Jackson Pollock?
Of course. Would you describe your emotions going into the game as belonging to more the artistic stylings of Mark Rothko or Jackson Pollock?
Player: I have no idea who either of those people are.
I have no idea who either of those people are.
Iris: We know that listening to motivational music before a big game can really pump the players up. So, what does the team think of the new Shins album?
We know that listening to motivational music before a big game can really pump the players up. So, what does the team think of the new Shins album?
Player: The Who?
The Who?
Iris: No, the Shins.
No, the Shins.
Player: Are we going to talk about sports at all?
Are we going to talk about sports at all?
Iris: Absolutely. We understand that the audition process for your sport was a long and taxing ordeal. Could you talk about what numbers you prepared specifically?
Absolutely. We understand that the audition process for your sport was a long and taxing ordeal. Could you talk about what numbers you prepared specifically?
Player: Number, as in amount? Like, 30 sprints? And we did about 20 suicides and mountain-climbers.
Number, as in amount? Like, 30 sprints? And we did about 20 suicides and mountain-climbers.
Iris: How exotic! It’s been said that the most dynamic casts effuse positive energy that can draw in and entice even the most uninterested audience. Would this describe your team?
How exotic! It’s been said that the most dynamic casts effuse positive energy that can draw in and entice even the most uninterested audience. Would this describe your team?
Player: Could you rephrase that question?
Could you rephrase that question?
Iris: What is your thought process when accessorizing before your games? Do you normally opt for longer and more elegant instruments?
What is your thought process when accessorizing before your games? Do you normally opt for longer and more elegant instruments?
Player: Normal people don’t think about that.
Normal people don’t think about that.
Iris: Do you channel anyone in particular when you perform your sport?
Do you channel anyone in particular when you perform your sport?
Player: Myself? What does that even mean?
Myself? What does that even mean?
Iris: How does the team typically celebrate a victory? A team outing to Broadway’s Newsies?
How does the team typically celebrate a victory? A team outing to Broadway’s Newsies?
Player: I mean, I saw The Lion King when I was six…but now we tend to have huge carb-loads at team barbeques, psych parties, and dinners.
I mean, I saw The Lion King when I was six…but now we tend to have huge carb-loads at team barbeques, psych parties, and dinners.
Iris: How unique! Thank you for this informative interview! And we here at Sports: Iris Edition hope the lacrosse team breaks a leg!
How unique! Thank you for this informative interview! And we here at Sports: Iris Edition hope the lacrosse team breaks a leg!
Player: Um, OK, but I play tennis.
Um, OK, but I play tennis.
Iris: We are here now with star player (we’ll get his name later) who just put on a spectacular performance on the grassy outdoor stage. Could you tell us how you’re feeling after such an exhilarating show?
We are here now with star player (we’ll get his name later) who just put on a spectacular performance on the grassy outdoor stage. Could you tell us how you’re feeling after such an exhilarating show?
Player: Um, this is just practice, and we have only finished warm-ups. And this isn’t a stage really, it’s just a field.
Um, this is just practice, and we have only finished warm-ups. And this isn’t a stage really, it’s just a field.
Iris: Oh, of course, we haven’t mastered the lingo yet.
Oh, of course, we haven’t mastered the lingo yet.
Player: Right. And I didn’t even break a sweat.
Right. And I didn’t even break a sweat.
Iris: Oh, thank goodness, because it would be a shame to soil this wonderful outfit. Could you tell us, who are you wearing?
Oh, thank goodness, because it would be a shame to soil this wonderful outfit. Could you tell us, who are you wearing?
Player: Um, shorts by Adidas, shirt and socks by Under Armour, and shoes by New Balance.
Um, shorts by Adidas, shirt and socks by Under Armour, and shoes by New Balance.
Iris: We appreciate the avant-garde look you have achieved by wearing your socks pulled up so high. Also, you have taken quite a fashion risk by mixing designer labels.
We appreciate the avant-garde look you have achieved by wearing your socks pulled up so high. Also, you have taken quite a fashion risk by mixing designer labels.
Player: Sure…? Did you say you had a question about how I am feeling before our game?
Sure…? Did you say you had a question about how I am feeling before our game?
Iris: Of course. Would you describe your emotions going into the game as belonging to more the artistic stylings of Mark Rothko or Jackson Pollock?
Of course. Would you describe your emotions going into the game as belonging to more the artistic stylings of Mark Rothko or Jackson Pollock?
Player: I have no idea who either of those people are.
I have no idea who either of those people are.
Iris: We know that listening to motivational music before a big game can really pump the players up. So, what does the team think of the new Shins album?
We know that listening to motivational music before a big game can really pump the players up. So, what does the team think of the new Shins album?
Player: The Who?
The Who?
Iris: No, the Shins.
No, the Shins.
Player: Are we going to talk about sports at all?
Are we going to talk about sports at all?
Iris: Absolutely. We understand that the audition process for your sport was a long and taxing ordeal. Could you talk about what numbers you prepared specifically?
Absolutely. We understand that the audition process for your sport was a long and taxing ordeal. Could you talk about what numbers you prepared specifically?
Player: Number, as in amount? Like, 30 sprints? And we did about 20 suicides and mountain-climbers.
Number, as in amount? Like, 30 sprints? And we did about 20 suicides and mountain-climbers.
Iris: How exotic! It’s been said that the most dynamic casts effuse positive energy that can draw in and entice even the most uninterested audience. Would this describe your team?
How exotic! It’s been said that the most dynamic casts effuse positive energy that can draw in and entice even the most uninterested audience. Would this describe your team?
Player: Could you rephrase that question?
Could you rephrase that question?
Iris: What is your thought process when accessorizing before your games? Do you normally opt for longer and more elegant instruments?
What is your thought process when accessorizing before your games? Do you normally opt for longer and more elegant instruments?
Player: Normal people don’t think about that.
Normal people don’t think about that.
Iris: Do you channel anyone in particular when you perform your sport?
Do you channel anyone in particular when you perform your sport?
Player: Myself? What does that even mean?
Myself? What does that even mean?
Iris: How does the team typically celebrate a victory? A team outing to Broadway’s Newsies?
How does the team typically celebrate a victory? A team outing to Broadway’s Newsies?
Player: I mean, I saw The Lion King when I was six…but now we tend to have huge carb-loads at team barbeques, psych parties, and dinners.
I mean, I saw The Lion King when I was six…but now we tend to have huge carb-loads at team barbeques, psych parties, and dinners.
Iris: How unique! Thank you for this informative interview! And we here at Sports: Iris Edition hope the lacrosse team breaks a leg!
How unique! Thank you for this informative interview! And we here at Sports: Iris Edition hope the lacrosse team breaks a leg!
Player: Um, OK, but I play tennis.
Um, OK, but I play tennis.