The drama. The lies. The scandals. The deception. An all-new reality TV show has hit the screens and touched our hearts, surpassing our old-time favorite, Keeping up with the Kardashians. This show is a phenomenon all its own. Call it Keeping up with the Presidential Debates.
With a Hunger Games-esque twang, KUWTPD stars Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Ben Carson and Bernie Sanders, commentators give a play by play of the action as the crowd roars in the background, amid blasting music and flashing lights.
If you need a recap, here are some Keeping up with the Presidential Debates highlights:
Clinton re: her slow decision to take a stance on the Keystone XL oil pipeline: “I never took a position on Keystone, until I took a position on Keystone.” Well, no one can argue with that.
Carson on homosexuality: “A lot of people go into prison straight and when they come out, they’re gay, so did something happen while they were in there? Ask yourself that question.”
Trump, announcing his campaign: “I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.”
Truly, truly brilliant.
And Sanders, who actually had the nerve to direct the conversation back to politics, telling Clinton, “The American people are tired of hearing about your damn emails.” Bernie, how dare you discuss politics during the presidential debate!
The show has attracted international acclaim for its unfiltered view of our next POTUS. Said Elle Lection, an avid KUWTPD-watcher from London, “I wish we Europeans joked about the future of our country as much as Americans do. It’s only health care, terrorism, women’s rights and unemployment—can’t we just have a little fun with it?”
So during the next episode, invite your friends over and celebrate the fact that you are an American. And if you are 21, maybe drink every time Trump makes a derogatory remark toward women (good luck staying sober for 10 minutes), or every time Clinton mentions the fact that she would be the first female president (did you know?!?).
The show will give you a run for your money—oh, what was that? I think Trump was saying something about being richer than you.
The debates can keep up with you—the question is: Can you keep up with them?