by Tom Malley
This week, Special Feelings Correspondent Tom Malley, weighs in on WHS’ most sensitive issues. Tom brings his natural sense of empathy and compassion as well as the skills he acquired while interning for Oprah Winfrey to his responses. Students are advised to follow his advice closely.
April Fool's Issue
My child wants to go see The Hunger Games next weekend, but I’m nervous because I think it may be too mature for him. Help?
Sincerely, Hungry for Some Answers
It’s not the movie you should be worried about, but rather the fact that everyone who has read or seen the Hunger Games feels the need to talk about it constantly even with people who haven’t read the book or seen the movie. Do you really want your child to be one of those people? You don’t. Stay hungry.
I really like this guy, but he doesn’t even know I exist. How should I get him to notice me?
Here’s a sure fire way to get him to notice you. Break into his house and kidnap his beloved pet turtle. Then send him threatening Facebook messages directing him what to do if he "ever wants to see his prized amphibian again." Then leave it on his porch in the middle of the night with a note with your name and phone number.He’ll call.
My newspaper keeps censoring my satirical articles. What should I do?
Sincerely, You Didn’t Hear Anything