How many bumper stickers are on your car right now?
a) Only the “My Child is an Honor Student” one.
b) As Kim Kardashian would say, “You wouldn’t put a bumper sticker on a Bentley.”
c) Just one or two; I’m not crazy.
d) Every activity that my child’s been involved in has a bumper sticker to match.

Where’s your favorite place to shop?
a) Online – practical and doesn’t waste time.
b) Bloomies and Lululemon.
c) Athleta and Gap, they have it all.
d) Old Navy – the family deals are unbeatable!

What level Starbucks card do you have?
a) I don’t have time for Starbucks.
b) Gold card; my barista knows my order!
c) Green level; I go every once in awhile.
d) I only go to Starbucks if I have a gift card, which is rare.

How often do you go to SoulCycle?
a) Too expensive, so I bike outside.
b) I have my own bike in front of the instructor; I could practically run the class.
c) I’ve been once or twice, but it’s pretty pricey so I’d rather just join the Y.
d) What’s SoulCycle? Recycling?

What kind of car do you drive?
a) Volvo. Safe and efficient.
b) Range Rover, but I’m thinking about a new BMW for spring.
c) Volkswagen Jetta, it’s cute and practical.
d) Honda Odyssey, so much space!

How many pairs of Jack Rogers did you order for the summer?
a) I don’t care for those shoes.
b) One in every color – can’t wear an outfit without having it match!
c) I have a pair from last year, so I’ll probably just wear those.
d) They’re so not sensible. I need some good sneakers!

This article appeared in the April Fool’s edition of the Hi’s Eye.