by Eric Storms
DATE: April 28, 2016: Today, Sony received a patent for a proposed device that would allow a person to wear a video camera inside a contact lens, and that also allows them to play video back.
DATE: May 20, 2021:
Today, almost every boy, girl and robot at WHS has a pair of those stupid Sony contact lenses. In 2016, Big Brother was something we read about in English (or on SparkNotes). But now Big Brother is very much real. And he has himself a full family; the contacts mean every Blue Devil is a Big Brother, too.
Every embarrassing moment can now be instantly streamed live. Thanks, Sony, for giving everyone in my fourth-period math class documented evidence of my dying-animal-sound sneeze. And now students are trying to beat me up because so many people keep watching it that the entire school Wi-Fi is down. And how can anyone think without the help of the internet?
And then there’s safety. Seriously, I’d like to get through at least one day of school without seeing someone walk face-first into a locker or door because they are distracted by their contacts. Today alone, I saw three walk into a tree. Some parents even make their kids wear helmets after one student was sent to the hospital after accidentally falling out a window. If it weren’t for our self-driving cars and teleporters, I don’t think one kid would get to school safely. But, of course, teenagers can’t be bothered with safety.
Did the inventors really think we’d be able to handle this responsibly? After all, we’re the generation that thought eating Chipotle every day was a healthy idea and that the Whip and Dab were actually good dance moves.
But rest assured, President Kanye West will (probably) do everything he can to help solve this contact lens crisis—as soon as he stops recording his reflection on the Oval Office desk. ‘