by Jonathan Bergman
It’s a time to reflect on miracles, so this year, I’ve kept track of the joys of celebrating Hanukkah :
Day 1: Since we don’t get off for Hanukkah, we get to enjoy the wondrous gift of knowledge at WHS instead of lame presents like video games or the time to nurture the strong and essential familial bonds that keep us going day to day and make life worth living.
Day 2: Today, I got gelt (coin-shaped chocolates wrapped in foil). They’re not real currency, which I learned the hard way when I tried to buy my ciabatta with gelt in Caf A. Pro tip: Get a good lawyer, kids!
Day 3: Instead of receiving the instant gratification of getting a brand-new Toyota for Christmas, we Jews have the luxury of spreading our presents out over eight nights. On Sunday, I got a steering wheel, on Monday I got a windshield wiper and, because Tuesday night is always a big one, maybe tonight I’ll finally get the engine.
Day 4: After school, my brother and I made latkes, or fried potato pancakes. We used extra oil and added chocolate, bacon and Oreos. This recipe, while untraditional, is better for the soul because the elevated levels of cholesterol will bring you closer to heaven (literally).
Day 5: If you find the usual “so-and-so saves Christmas” tales to be boring, try Hanukkah stories. These dynamic epics feature starving Eastern Europeans using magic to feed themselves. Socially conscious readers will appreciate the blunt portrayals of poverty that children really love.
Day 6: With two days left, there’s only one thing left on my wish list: a subscription to Hi’s Eye!