by Julia Queller
Per the request of many lazy seniors, the administration has decided to implement changes after spring break that will relieve the stress of second-semester seniors.
April Fool's Issue
Some of the changes include nap time instead of gym class, enough time in between classes for a Dunkin’ run, a quota of movies required to watch per academic class and the allowance of beach trips as excused absences.
According to Principal Mr. Peter Renwick, a committee of administrators, guidance counselors and teachers was created to discuss the new privileges for seniors.
Renwick said: “The faculty believes these changes will help reduce the constant stress so many second-semester seniors face. With these implemented, seniors will be better focused on their studies.”
Guidance Counselor Ms. Faith Qualshie, a member of the committee, agrees that these policies will have a beneficial effect on the Senior Class as a whole.
Qualshie said: “I see so many seniors stressing out. Between girls having to find the perfect earrings to match their prom dresses, and guys trying to figure out the most unique way to ask a girl to be his date, these students do have a lot on their plate.”
One of the committee’s most well-received changes is a more lax dress code for seniors. Art Teacher Ms. Leah Jarvis believes that seniors have earned the privilege of wearing beach attire to school so they can relax and tan in the courtyard.
Said Jarvdog: “I see seniors roaming the halls wearing nothing but their bathing suits, pinnies and sunglasses. Though I wonder how these seniors have so many free periods, I am thrilled that they can finally express their current mentality through the more lenient dress code.”
The support for these changes among the Senior Class has been overwhelming. Senior Will Hogge said: “I really like the rule allowing excused absences for seniors. This way, if I have too much homework, I can do it on the beach in a chill environment.”
Senior Alix Jason added: “Nowadays, I just don’t have enough time for homework in between all of my extracurricular commitments. With the infinite number of TV series available on Netflix and all of the new fro-yo places to try, I rarely open my backpack until midnight, so the new nap period will definitely help me rejuvenate.”
In addition, seniors have been complaining about underclassmen having equivalent rights. Consequently, the committee has taken action to ensure that underclassmen know their place. Further implementations include awarding seniors complimentary freshman caddies to carry their backpacks and tows so they can move juniors’ cars if seniors need parking spots.
Renwick said, “These changes will really solidify the seniors’ obvious superiority over the underclassmen.”